it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
