I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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