I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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