what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
