you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
