All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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