haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
