Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
