I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
