YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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