went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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