Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
