Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
