I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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