you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
