i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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