Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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