Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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