i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
