it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
