I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
