You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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