Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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