Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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