Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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