Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
