We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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