I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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