I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
