here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Randomize
