dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We have started to decorate penises.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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