Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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