i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
