dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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