just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
