I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
