Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
