he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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