Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
