Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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