I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sext me about skeletons
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
