omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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