You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
They have beer where we have blood.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
