I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
