I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
