You're my little dorito
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
