in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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