i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
