I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
