I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
