i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
