I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
