Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
