3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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