She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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