i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
