I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
