Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
