im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
