Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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