Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
