You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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