I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
