Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
