I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
