So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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