Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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