yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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