ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
