I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
