I haven't been this sober since birth.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
