I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
