The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
