So drunk its hurt
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
