I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
