Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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