Small penises have feelings too.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
