Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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