Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
