I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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