eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
