Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
