Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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