her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
