it glows. i had to have it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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