just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
