Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
