well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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